A Trip To Borders

Today, I went to Borders at night for a good read and relaxation plus dinner from my sister for assisting her with furniture moving.

So my sister, the "PMSing Monster" is a good role model. She's a manipulative dominating bitch with a bad temper but today, I just happen to acknowledge some good things about the PMSing Monster. Assertiveness. It has always been a downfall for me; No confidence, no respect for self. As something as simple as today, buying hot chocolate from the cafe. I gave a voucher "buy one, get one free" except I paid both of the hot chocolate without the hot chocolate. The man forgot to process to ticket. I let it pass. I was a pushover. But sister did not accept that. It was their problem and irresponsible so she demanded this deal and got her money back. She suggested (well, she has a critic mouth) that I should think smarter and stand up for myself. I should indeed and my excuse was: I just did not know how to respond. Dealing with social problems are new to me.

And I wonder why I don't stand up for myself. First answer was I don't have a sense of self worth. I mean, I feel invisible. A piece of meat. I'm lazy and always slothing around and give up easily. I let others plan my life. I'm like sheep (concidently, I live in NZ :P ) She complained how unlively I am. I am asleep and dead in personality. Reminds me how lively I was when I small always laughing and having fun. Now that I'm a teenager, I just found myself rigid, stiff, and not laughing as much as I use to. I could be lame to blame school for my problems. Boring me with junk knowledge, revision, and so. I am not learning or being challenged at all. I bored to the skull that it's stressing me.
School stripped pretty much most of my youth. I'm just a sheep. Following authority. I feel like I'm not an individual anymore. But I know, the universal truth is: we're responsible for our lives. We have choices. If I have a problem with something, I should do something about it.

So I choose to stop blaming school for my problems and start improving my life.
Life should not be a drag, a burden, something to survive. It's something to live for. We're here for a good time, not a long time. I want to make the most of nature's gift of life.

My sister said about joining sports. I have never been the sporty type. Insufficent physical skills. Not fit. But I know that by having exposure to an activity, you'll get better; learning new angles and techniques from experiencing it. That's how I learn. Would you rather read the recipe or actually do the recipe from the cookbook? Do the recipe of course! Who cares if you make a mistake, you learn from it. However, this is where school is doing it wrong. They punish you for your mistakes; real valuable learning tools. Back to sports, even if I do play a sport, my body won't cope with my current eating habits. I'm skinny thanks to fasting a lot. I get like two meals pure a day from ignoring my mum's alienated cooking. If I want something satisfying and edible to eat, I'll need to cook it myself. With my current laziness, it just fails. So no sports for me till I get better food habits and a better BMI. >_>

So from as simple as today, I gained new insights and a role model. :]